True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
