Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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