I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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