Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just found puke in my bra..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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