i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
