Grow some girl-balls and come out already
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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