I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
