Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
