im drinking this country out of the recession.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Randomize
