Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize