you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
