I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
