i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize