Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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