erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
