Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
