Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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