She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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