You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
