sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
