I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
