I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
