Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
