i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
