so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I am naked and annoyed.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
