FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
