Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
