I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize