how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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