i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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