Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
