just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
