That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
