Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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