Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
