Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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