i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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