you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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