everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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