Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize