its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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