He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
pop tarts are not kleenex
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
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