dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
