Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
