i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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