"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
