you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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