I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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