I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
