Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
