i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
