I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
