I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
