Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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