she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
