i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
