hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
