remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize