jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
nutella sex= disaster
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I need moral support for this bender
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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