so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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