i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
