True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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