why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
