when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
