My nipple is on Facebook.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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