Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
