Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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