You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
