Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
