He uses pillows to masturbate.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
