she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
