I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
