Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
