a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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