Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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