I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
