Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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