I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
These tits shall not be calmed
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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