what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
