Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
