Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
