Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
