So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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