I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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