dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
