Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
