too bad you live with your parents still
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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