brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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