Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize