I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I need to calm my uterus...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
