I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
