my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I love having hate sex.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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