could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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