at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
