just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
