plz talk dirty to me
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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