You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
How external is "for external use only"?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
