Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
and you fell through a lawn chair
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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