He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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