I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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